I wish it hadn’t come to this. I don’t know what went wrong. Actually, that’s a lie. I know exactly what went wrong. You had so much promise and potential “V”, but when it came down to delivering on it you failed. Miserably. I am leaving you, “V”. And I am sorry.

I admit that part of my interest in you at the beginning of our relationship revolved around your heritage. I’ve never seen your parent-show, “V” senior, but I was aware of the Nazi-lizard aliens invading the Earth disguised as humans concept, and the obligatory human-lizard hybrid birthing scene. These are great selling points, “V”. You really had a great deal of potential just based on those selling points. Your determined recruitment of science fiction castoffs for your characters was also endearing, if ultimately irrelevant. Throwing in that sinister woman from “BSG” to play another sinister woman is effective, I suppose, but it isn’t as though she was my reason for watching “BSG”. (real reason: Billy, the heart of the show. That was a joke. In reality, it was all for Dr. Cottle.)

So before we even started, “V”, you had a pretty good cast of actors and a great, great set up. And you completely squandered all of that potential, all of that goodwill. Things this show lacks: personality, humor, FUN. You are boring, “V”. And I tried to like you, God knows I did. But there’s nothing to like, “V”! You are the hollow shell of a good television show. Your characters are one-note in almost all cases, “V”. In the case of Erica I will allow that there could be two notes, those being her roles as hard-working FBI agent and neglectful mother. But each of these roles is completely flat. The slow loss of her son to the other side should be tragic to watch unfold, the tragedy of her losing the thing she wants most to protect. But this isn’t tragic at all in your execution, “V”. Her son is a whiny brat who drives a motorcycle and apparently never goes to school?? I couldn’t care less what happens to this douche bag. Which is how I feel about almost every character on this show, including the British super-terrorist who is named after deceased philosopher and sometimes tiger Hobbes.  Your characters are dull, “V”. You are dull.

In truth, there is only one redeeming quality in you, “V”. Anna is both compelling and entertaining to watch. She has no more depth of character than anyone else on the show, but she makes a great evil villain. But she’s not enough for me anymore, “V”. You aren’t enough for me anymore. I had something of a revelation in the aftermath of last week’s terrible “LOST” episode, a show that even at its worst still elicits some sort of feeling from me, rather than the deathly numbness I feel while watching you. You came on the air then, while I was still burning with rage and frustration, and I couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to your melodrama. You were acting out for attention, “V”, but I realized in that moment the sincere lack of interest between us. So I am sorry, “V”, but I am leaving you to look for greener pastures.

It’s not all bad though, “V”. Despite losing me, you still seem to have a bright future. I hear you’ve been renewed while the equally uninteresting “Flash Forward” has been cut loose. And I imagine you have other viewers out there to look to for comfort in this moment. You probably even have some fans out there, somewhere! Fans who will love you unconditionally, despite, maybe even because of, your many flaws. So cheer up, “V”. You’re going to be alright. And if you ever manage to get exciting, feel free to give me a call. I’m all for second chances.

Sincerely,

Matthew

P.S. WHY ARE YOU SO BORING?

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